I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize