he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
