his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
honey bunches of taint.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
