You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
