im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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