He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
