theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
