Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
