At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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