I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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