I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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