he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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