I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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