I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
third nipple confirmed
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My vagina is officially offended.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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