I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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