I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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