listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
