I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
