i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
