You just made me feel so damn special
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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