so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
