the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize