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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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