conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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