Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
