Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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