Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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