She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
