I wish my penis had an off switch
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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