he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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