We named our party play list daddy issues
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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