I think I am morally bankrupt
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
