Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
