Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
