what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
