I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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