I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
