At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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