Yo dont text me then not text me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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