Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
