he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
