I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She bit a glass in half.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
