nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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