I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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