Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
