They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
