I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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