69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
