Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
