I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
