??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
