I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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