She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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