Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
