I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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