No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
