I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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