i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
