i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize