"it" just moved
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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