are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
