He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
