Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal

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(419): View more from Ohio

Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away

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(913): View more from Kansas

No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.

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(775): View more from Nevada

I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.

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(519): View more from Ontario

like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...

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(217): View more from Illinois

do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?

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(903): View more from Texas

True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.

Fav 6 1053 1942
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(720): View more from Colorado

I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.

(563): View more from Iowa

How is that low? I love carrots.

Fav 0 1136 489
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(813): View more from Florida

Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.

Fav 0 101 16
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